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Potter drops acid & loses virginity
in 6th book
Harry
Potter creator, JK Rowling has revealed shocking plot details
of her next book. Drunk in a London nightclub, the author let
slip to our undercover reporters that the sixth Potter outing
would take some evil twists and turns as Harry’s hormones
begin to rage. |
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Guantanamo
Six trial run on ‘justice’ grounds
The
US government has denied speculation that the trial of six suspected
al-Qaeda terrorists by a military tribunal is a sham, despite
calling for firing squad volunteers and the building a state-of-the-art
Texan style execution centre right next door to the court house.
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Pumpkin
eats gardener
Andre Zacopanski, a 98 year-old former Olympic gold
medallist, from Chernobyl, Russia, has been consumed by his prize-winning
pumpkin. Mr Zacopanski is believed to have been bending over the
56lb vegetable when it’s skin cracked, a tongue-like object
lashed out, grabbed the pensioner and pulled him into the body of
the plant. Witnesses maintain that the old man looked perplexed
as he was engorged.
Goat
wins court order banning local man from all contact
Billy Gruff, a goat in a children's zoo
in Auckland, New Zealand, has obtained a court protection order
banning a local man from all contact following two years of constant
bombardment with flowers, letters, negligees and poems. The man
had recently been overheard arguing with staff that the price
of his ticket to the zoo entitled him to 'interact' with the goat
in any way he wanted. No one knows how Billy managed to hire a
lawyer.
Nothing
ever happens in Greenland
A leading environmentalist has condemned the largest
non-continental island as ‘boring’. ‘Even seals
find the former Danish colony dull,’ said Dr Erik Dolittle
from the first annual ‘Welcome to Nuuk’ seminar. Native
Inuit Indians, who had just returned from Las Vegas, were said
to be furious at the meddling Doolittle.
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